I wasn’t sure if I would come back to this blog, to blogging in general. The whole situation where people in the community I’ve been living in, teaching in, raising my babies in, felt like a post with too many eff-bombs for their taste, was a reason to go to my bosses, to change(?) or maybe, more accurately, shape their opinion of me, hurt. It hurt like hell, to be completely honest.
However, I went out this weekend–even with the more exaggerated worry of being judged hanging over my head–and had a couple people talk to me about the blog. And, not in a negative way.
The first one was one of my coworkers. She’s not a mom, but my last “real” post, the validation one, the one with allll the eff-bombs, was really relatable for her. Granted, she’s younger than me, so generationally speaking, the word “fuck” doesn’t offend her.
The other one was a mom. Her oldest is a couple years older than G, and her second is in his class. She told me she liked my blog, and that my postpartum depression post in particular spoke to her.
I didn’t start this blog for the busy-bodied, nosy-nellies in this town.
I started it for moms, people who struggle with depression or anxiety, people who have good and bad days, people who aren’t afraid of the word fuck.
I started this blog for me.
To get some of my feelings off my chest. To try and understand myself and my identity in the role of motherhood and teaching and marriage.
To connect to people who get what that’s like.
So when my coworker was like, “Just change the name and don’t post it on your facebook,” I was like, yes.
I won’t get as many readers, but I’ll get people who are actively seeking it out, and hopefully relate to it rather than weaponize it.
I might cut down on my eff-bombs, but I’m also going to continue to write as authentically as possible, because I need to.
So, here’s to…new beginnings? To fresh starts, to sharing with people who matter. And staying true to myself as much as I can.