Hi. I’m Caylee. I’m a 30 year old, mother of two, from the Midwest, South Dakota to be exact.
I’m a Sagittarius.
Okay, so I’m a millennial (oh, look, another label!) who spends a lot of time on Tik Tok. And I love astrology Tik Toks, but like…I don’t judge astrological signs. And I never put much stock into them until recently, although I did read my horoscope religiously.
I’ve been thinking about the different ways we define ourselves, and how…though not completely accurate, there has to some similarity/personality traits/whatever in all of these definitions, or else they wouldn’t hold their weight in water, ya know what I mean?
I never felt like a Sagittarius when I was younger. By most definitions, Sags are honest, blunt, independent, free-spirited, and restless. The only one of those I felt applied was the blunt/honest. I wanted to settle down in my small hometown, stay in South Dakota. I wasn’t afraid of commitment!
Except…Maybe I was. Maybe I was afraid of a lot of things. Now, with years and perspective, I find myself longing for new: new places, new people, new experiences. Looking back, I probably always have, but was too afraid to want something if I didn’t know for sure it was attainable.
As for my Enneagram? Pretty fucking spot on. Fours by definition are “The Individualists” they often feel like outsiders, are daydreamers, are introspective, etc. Sixes (my wing) are loyalists.
Odd contrast, but my favorite word to describe myself is a juxtaposition.
Personality types are so weird, because is my nature, my history, or my late November birthday that have made me who I am? Or, is it a mix of all of these and more?
Yeah, I’m closed off and feel like an outsider, but my grandpa is like…the king of the introverts. Not even kidding. My political, religious, academic interests haven’t lined up with the people in my hometown probably ever, so that could explain the outsider feeling.
Trauma, relationships, choices, preferences they mold you.
Yes, I’m introverted, introspective, restless. I’m sensitive, get hung up on the small things, honest and blunt. I’m stubborn. I do enjoy a party.
Really, a mass of contradictions.
But aren’t we all? Sure, you can have every stereotypical characteristic in your astrological sign, your enneagram, your Meyer-Bringgs personality types, but you can also have contrasting characteristics, because that’s what being human means.
You can just be one thing at all times. Can you lean toward one thing? Abso-fucking-lutely. But even the most introverted people I know can seem social in the right group or circumstances.
Aren’t we all contrasts?
Maybe I’m the only one who buys into all of these things, but recognize that it’s only a part of who I am. Yes, I can see pins or tiktoks about my “types” and relate, but also recognize that it’s only part of who I am and that I can be that and more.
Or maybe I’m full of shit. (Picture me shrugging at this). Who knows?