All the Emotions: Every Single One of them

(I’ve been sitting on this post for a couple days, was waiting for my new laptop to get here to type it out.)

June is a big month in my family. Both Roarke and Griffin’s birthdays are in June, as well as Nate and I’s anniversary. My godson was also born in June, ten years ago on the 26.

Being the sentimental sap that I am, my children’s birthdays hit me hard. This year was no exception, and maybe a little moreso than last year. This year brought about Roarke’s first birthday party-yes, he’s two, but Covid- as well as Griffin’s fifth birthday, which makes me think of him starting kindergarten in the fall.

One of the catalysts to my sentimental moments over the past couple weeks, is the memory feature on both Facebook and Amazon Prime Photo (Which, btw, totally recommend to all millennial parents who take the majority of their kids’ pictures on their phones.) All the memories are coming up: Baby G, Baby Roarke, wedding preparation. In the past six years I’ve gotten married and had two babies. All in June.

Now, yes. This was a choice. When we decided to start a family, we aimed for summer babies. With my control freak tendencies and teaching career, it just made sense to us. And, it worked out–maybe too well? Roarke was actually due on Griffin’s third birthday…

One of the reoccurring thoughts I’ve had the past ten days is how fast the past five, and two years has gone. And really, the six of our marriage too. It feels like just yesterday we were moving to our current town, ready to start the adult lives we wanted…which was also, coincidentally, in June.

Like I said, June is our kinda our month.

Somehow in the nearly six years Nate and I have been married, we welcomed two kids into the world, lost loved ones, faced battles neither of us could have seen coming. Fought, fuck we’ve fought. Loved. Grown.

And when I reflect on our parenting journey, I see a lot of similarities. Growth as parents, as well as growth in our confidence in our parenting abilities and choices. Love, so much sometimes I physically ache with it. Battles. Fighting, with our kids and each other.

I often wonder if everyone is as reflective as I find myself being: does everyone pause in the days leading to their children’s birthdays? Their anniversaries? Do most people get anxious about how quickly it’s all happening, and what’s to come still?

Am I overthinking it all? Probably.

Can I help it? Not really.

So, if you need me in June…just expect me to be feeling a lot of emotions at a high level, possibly crying, definitely reminiscing, and likely holding my children tighter than they would like.

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