I’ve been sitting on this one for a while, because, honestly, I’m so fucking mad that in 2019, I even have to think that my…conservative Midwestern state might follow the pathway started by conservative Southern states and try and fuck women over.
Because, let’s be honest, the abortion laws passed by Alabama, Ohio, and Mississippi recently are an attack on women.
I’m still pregnant, although the day after my most recent post, I was flown to the biggest city in my state so I had access to NICU, because they thought Baby Boy was on his way. He changed his mind….
At my most recent appointment, I told my doctor that if I have to have a c-section to have this baby (his head is in the 99+ percentile according to the ultrasound we had at 35+2 and my pelvis isn’t that great about big things…) I want to have a tubal ligation. My doctor wanted to make sure that I wasn’t making the decision because I’m miserable right now, which I’m not. I’ve said this since October.
My body doesn’t handle pregnancy well. With both boys, I threatened pre-term labor, and who’s to say that the next one wouldn’t come that early at a risk to them and myself? And, my anxiety and depression have not been cooperative through this pregnancy, leaving me feeling weak and down for most of it. So, no, this isn’t a rash decision.
My doctor is on board with this. My husband is on board with this; and furthermore, if I push this baby out, my husband is going to get a vasectomy (by his own choice).
My doctor’s questions were things like: “What if something happens to the baby and he does make it?”
I’ve asked myself that, and what if something were to happen to my husband, or we got a divorce. I still don’t want to carry or birth anymore children.
I’m lucky, because I’m 28, and my (female) doctor is understanding–more than understanding, feels that I reached the decision with good reason, and is very supportive of this, saying she’ll take part of my tube, which also cuts down the risk of ovarian cancer.
It’s not a decision I came to lightly.
But, and let me stress this, it’s my decision. My husband is 100% supportive, but I’m pretty sure that even if he wasn’t, I would have fought him on it.
Due to our private insurance the Catholic hospital can’t really do much about it.
It’s my choice, because it’s my body.
I told my husband, honestly, that if there were an accident/surprise/miracle baby, I couldn’t guarantee that I wouldn’t want to get an abortion.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been staunchly pro-choice. I have loved both of my babies from the moment I found out about them, and I really don’t know that I could have an abortion, but I do know that I don’t think anyone who’s not me (or my significant other, because, yes, to a point he should get a say as well) should be able to tell me I have to carry a baby I don’t want.
I understand all the arguments used by pro-life people: adoption is a great option, but foster care is a shit show. Rape and incest are absolutely reasons that should make termination allowable–I’m looking at you, Alabama! But, I also think that if you know your body, and yourself, and know that it’s not something you can do, then you shouldn’t have to.
My own pregnancies have reinforced this belief. As well as the horror stories women feel compelled to share, because they recognize that abortion rights are a tool being used by politicians to…well, fuck women over…Especially minorities and low-income women.
I understand that for some of you who read this, this will lead you to unfollow my blog, or be angry in the comments, and I respect that. I understand that there are many sides to a majorly complex issue…but that’s part of why I feel the way I do. How can we have a blanket ban on something that isn’t always black and white? How can we ask an 11 year old who was raped, or a 27 year old who could die if she carries full-term, to give up her own rights?
And…realistically, we would never ask the same of a man. We would never ask him to give up his rights for something inside his body. Not to say men have it easier, because we have asked them to give up their lives in the name of our country before…but that was met with stark disapproval from many, as it should have been.
And…why do I think that these men and women making the laws haven’t seen what happens when the cycle of teen pregnancy isn’t broken? How schools are filled with children of children, who can’t hope to get better because their own parents and grandparents don’t know how to help them? That the literary gap between children of young, uneducated parents and those who grew up in higher income, more stable homes is something that can’t be remedied, no matter how much the school tries.
Why should I, or anyone, get to tell you what to do with your body? Or what to believe about any of this.
I’m just telling you, as a mom of almost two, who loves my babies more than life itself; no one, and I mean no one gets to tell me what I can or can’t do with my reproductive system. Sorry.