I swear. The last three weeks of school should be nonexistent. (Now, I recognize that if this happened, the last three weeks would only happen earlier. I know they’re unavoidable.)
I am drained. I don’t think there’s another word for it. As a high school teacher, who happens to be in grad school, and decided to double my course load for the summer session which started last week…there’s a lot going on. Graduation parties, gifts! (reminder to self: need to figure those out), events, homework assignments, a little boy who really needs Mama Time lately. I’m in the midst of an “I have nothing left to give” movement.
But, one thing we have been doing, G and I as Mama/Bubba Time, has been walking. And when I go for a walk, I generally walk at a pretty intense pace. And I don’t know if it’s really the endorphin release or the weather, or both, but I think it’s part of the reason I haven’t completely fallen apart.
People always preach exercise to help with mental disorders- which I know scientifically works- but when you’re in the middle of a breakdown because you feel like everything is piling up; or the middle of a depressive episode when you can barely move, going for a walk, running, jogging, lifting, or whatever, is the last thing on your mind.
But honestly, lately, it’s been one of the things I’m looking forward to in the evenings. And I really do believe that this is something that’s helping me right now. It’s a matter of prioritizing myself for once. Which is…really fucking hard for me. I feel selfish sometimes, but I also realize that if I don’t my world is going to fall apart.
So, here’s to new leaves–which hopefully stay turned!–to summer, to self-care, and eventually, hopefully, self-love.